Positive Parenting Blog

Do You Ever Hate Being a Mother? I recently counselled a mother who whispered to me "I feel so bad, because I hate being a mother. I resent it every single day" . This poor mom was struggling emotionally and physically with the pressures of motherhood.  Now, as a therapist when someone begins a counselling session by saying they hate being a parent, the first thing we need to do is check that she feels safe and that she is confident her child/ren are safe too. This is really important, because being exhausted, stressed out, anxious and angry can make us behave in ways we would never dream of! Well on this front, thank Goodness, it was all OK.  The mother was not suffering from clinical depression and was not thinking of harming her child. However, she was feeling guilty 24/7 for hating being a mom.  How to Deal with Hating Being a Mom The first thing we did together was talk about HER. Where was she in her life? Had her life become laser focussed on her child and the purs...

Dealing With Your In Laws Relationship problems with your extended family often begin when you’re married with kids When you fall in love with someone, life seems great Then you meet your partner’s family and soon enough your in laws become part of your life too. In the ideal world, you would seamlessly slot into your partners extended family and vice versa. Unfortunately this is not the case for many couples and relationship problems often arise, especially after you are married with kids. One of the main reasons for this is that the family dynamics need to change when a new partner settles into a family as a new family ‘team’ is formed.  When you become a ‘couple’, you essentially combine one set of upbringing with another and hope for the best Relationship problems often arise when a new partner does not seem acceptable to a family. In other words the new partners lifestyle, personality, beliefs or occupation are not accepted by the extended family. This can cause conflict for t...

My Child Won't Listen To Me - What Can I Do? The first thing I ask parents when they present to parenting counselling with this issue is "What is your relationship with your child normally like?" It's important to understand if not listening is a usual behaviour (ie consistent with temperament), or whether it is a new behaviour (consistent with an issue). Depending on the answer, you will approach the listening in different ways. If a child not listening is normal When a child is regularly defiant, the first thing to ask yourself is whether the rules of the home are consistent and clear. Have you set clear boundaries and are you engaging in authoritative parenting - with warmth and consistency? If you are not engaging in consistent behaviour with clear consequences that are not scary and calmly presented , then this is the first place to start to make changes. With consistency and clear consequences, your child will find it easier to listen and behave.  The second t...

How To Be a Good Parent How Do You Know If You're Engaging In Good Parenting? This question of ‘good parenting’ is a common one every parent asks themselves from time to time. As a parent of a child (of any age), you can quickly begin to doubt your parenting skills when you hear the latest parenting news that contradicts what you thought you were doing well. For instance, your parents were most likely taught to sleep a new baby on it’s tummy. However we now know this is dangerous and SIDS advice is to sleep a baby on it’s back to avoid the potential for sudden infant cot death. So how do you know if you’re doing a good job? Besides the basics of ensuring your child is safe, secure, healthy and happy, there is one key ingredient to effective parenting The No.1 Thing All Parenting Should Know Is How To Parenting With Consistency (including learning from mistakes & starting again) Consistency has two elements: Being consistent with your parenting approach Tweaking things when you...

Why Do Babies Cry? A crying baby is one of those things that parents are often not prepared for. Most parents know a baby cries, but the extent of crying can come as a shock, particularly when you try to soothe your baby but the crying continues. From a young age people are taught that crying means there is something wrong (for instance crying is seen as a sign that someone is in pain, unhappy, sad, or suffering). This is why crying can feel so distressing to you as a parent. No-one wants to see their baby in pain. Babies are born with minimal ways of communicating they need something from you - one of these methods of communication is crying!  However, your response to a crying baby is very personal and is influenced by your upbringing, personal views on this form of communication and your own emotional state. 

5 Steps To Deal With Separation Anxiety In Toddlers How To Ease Separation Anxiety In Toddlers Separation anxiety in toddlers is very normal, however, it can still evoke worry and guilt in mums having to leave a crying baby behind. The good news is, it usually dissipates with age and careful strategies which we will discuss in the 5 step process. Regardless of whether you are a first time mum, or a seasoned parent, separation anxiety in toddlers is often a source of great anxiety and stress. As a parent, you always want the best for your child, so it can be heartbreaking to see your little one crying as you leave, or even getting upset when being held by others. Because there is a misconception that children should just easily transition to new experiences and to new people, parents often (incorrectly) blame themselves for their child’s separation anxiety and this causes further anxiety and guilt down the track. These emotions can make the separation process even more difficult and dr...