Skip to main content

My Child Won't Listen To Me - What Can I Do?

My Child Won't Listen To Me - What Can I Do?

my child won't listen to me








The first thing I ask parents when they present to parenting counselling with this issue is "What is your relationship with your child normally like?" It's important to understand if not listening is a usual behaviour (ie consistent with temperament), or whether it is a new behaviour (consistent with an issue). Depending on the answer, you will approach the listening in different ways.

If a child not listening is normal

child temperament, child won't listen to me, calm parenting, parenting tips
When a child is regularly defiant, the first thing to ask yourself is whether the rules of the home are consistent and clear. Have you set clear boundaries and are you engaging in authoritative parenting - with warmth and consistency? If you are not engaging in consistent behaviour with clear consequences that are not scary and calmly presented, then this is the first place to start to make changes. With consistency and clear consequences, your child will find it easier to listen and behave. 

The second thing to consider is your child's temperament. When you know your child's temperament, you can be more understanding to how changes impact your child's behaviour. Change in particular is a trigger for negative behaviour if you are trying to enforce a change that is stressful for your child's temperament. For instance, a slow to warm up child will be quite stressed about going to bed alone, compared to a child with an easy temperament. If pushed, the slow to warm up child is likely to act out and not listen. However, by understanding the slow to warm up child's temperament, you would ease this child into bedtime and ensure the child feels secure. Then there would not be a backlash and your child would be much happier too.

If a child not listening is NOT normal

my child won't listen to me, parenting tips, calm parenting
If you have noticed that your child has suddenly stopped listening, then it's important to look at both internal and external factors. Has there been issues with friends or family? Is your child not feeling well, or overtired? 

Often children will avoid talking directly about their feelings and act out as a way of telling you there's something wrong. Children do not inherently want to do the wrong thing. It is a human need to feel praise, love and acceptance. However, when children don't get the attention they are after, they are happy to receive any attention - even if it comes with getting into trouble. 

It's really important to speak to teachers and take the time to regularly speak with your children about their day. When they are have outburst, that's the time to get down to their level and ask what's going on. Ask them why they are acting in this way. Be patient with your child and give them permission and a safe space to speak about how they are feeling. 

Yes, this takes time and it's not always easy when you're rushing around and you just want to get things done. However, these moments provide opportunities for closeness with your child and better understanding that will last a lifetime.

Lizzie O'Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac
Author, Counsellor

  Discover Help For Mums FREE Positive Parenting Solutions


Positive Parenting FREE Video Series


Positive parenting solutions

Calm Parenting FREE Starter Course


Positive parenting solutions






Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Believe in Your Dreams and You Will Succeed in Motherhood

Self Belief is the key to your happiness in motherhood You don't have to have self confidence in every aspect of your life to be successful or happy - BUT you DO need to have self belief in the areas you strive to succeed in. This is why you can be very successful in your career but feel lost in your relationships. Self belief is situation specific. If you are regularly self sabotaging yourself or feel like a failure in a particular area of your life, take a close look at your level of self belief in this area. For instance if you haven't succeeded in your career - do you doubt your abilities? Do you allow internal or external circumstances to impact on your self confidence? If you have not succeeded in your desire to attract a long term partner - do you doubt your level of attractiveness? Do you believe you really deserve to be treated with love and respect? Do you think you have enough to offer a partner? Do you fear rejection?  These questions must be answer...
Post a Comment
Read more

Five Ways To Reduce Stress at Work in Motherhood

Five Ways To reduce stress at work in Motherhood It's easy to say "just relax", but when you're feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to run first. This is when you need a few quick fixes to get you back on track as quickly as possible.  Below are a number of quick and easy ways to reduce stress whilst you're at work. 1) Write things down Often the feeling of being overwhelmed comes from having too much in your mind and hence relying on your memory to get you through. The worst part of neglecting to write things down is that your mind continuously reviews your list of tasks and in turn increases your anxiety over "all the things you still have to do".  Take 5 minute to write down everything that's racing through your mind. It doesn't matter how small. The idea is to get these thoughts out of your mind and on to a notepad where you can refer to them later. 2) Take a break You might think you don't have time t...
Post a Comment
Read more

How Parenting Affects Child Development?

How Parenting Affects Child Development Parenting and Child Development Parents want the best for their children, so it makes sense that as a parent you want to do your best to support your child to develop to meet their full potential.  Parenting Research shows us that parenting plays a pivotal role in child development, particularly when it comes to academic performance, self esteem and overall happiness. Core aspects of child development The  'Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (2016) paper identifies the following core areas of child development 1. Physical health and safety Receiving care that leads to normative standards for growth and physical development. 2. Emotional wellbeing and Behavioural competence Receiving care that leads to a healthy sense of self, an ability to cope with stress and the ability to regulate emotions accordingly. 3. Social competence Receiving care that supports children to be able to develop and maintain posit...
Post a Comment
Read more