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Why Do Babies Cry & How Can I know What My Baby's Crying Means?

Why Do Babies Cry?

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A crying baby is one of those things that parents are often not prepared for. Most parents know a baby cries, but the extent of crying can come as a shock, particularly when you try to soothe your baby but the crying continues.

From a young age people are taught that crying means there is something wrong (for instance crying is seen as a sign that someone is in pain, unhappy, sad, or suffering). This is why crying can feel so distressing to you as a parent. No-one wants to see their baby in pain.

Babies are born with minimal ways of communicating they need something from you - one of these methods of communication is crying! However, your response to a crying baby is very personal and is influenced by your upbringing, personal views on this form of communication and your own emotional state. 

"Babies are born with the ability to cry. Crying is their main way of communicating. They cry when they’re hungry, tired, uncomfortable, sick or in pain. Sometimes they cry because they need comfort".

Crying and Your Response

As noted about, your response to a crying baby is very personal. Some parents feel comfortable allowing babies to 'cry it out', others only allow their babies to cry for a microsecond before they soothe them. There are so many opinions of what is best for your baby. Just look at these two books - they are at polar opposites in terms of how to cope with a crying baby and how to care for a baby altogether:

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The Continuum Concept author J. Liedeloff notes that human beings are wired to expect their needs to be immediately cared for after childbirth. Babies should co-sleep or sleep close to their mother and receive instantaneous responses to their cries.

In contrast, the Save Our Sleep author T. Hall notes that human beings need structure and routine and as a result on this crying is reduced.  The author teaches parents to train babies to settle and resettle themselves.

So who is right? 

Well as long as your baby is safe - it's really just a matter of preference.

What If I'm Not Coping With My Baby's Crying?

If your baby is crying more than usual, or you feel that something else may be wrong, trust your instincts and visit your doctor or call the nurse on call. It's always better to be cautious if something doesn't feel right. 

It's also really important to know your emotional and physical limits and seek parenting help if you feel you're not coping with your baby crying, or you're exhausted from the cries - particularly if it is impacting on both of your sleep. Ask for parenting help from family members or friends, to take a break. If you can afford to, you can also organise for a night nurse to come over when required to feed and care for your baby overnight when you sleep. This is a life saver for over exhausted parents who just need a break from time to time. There is no shame in asking for help and you and your baby will only benefit from you being a more calm parent.

How Can I know What My Baby's Crying Means?

Dunstan Baby Language

Sometimes you may wonder "wouldn't it be great if I just knew what your crying means right now". Well, and Australian Opera singer called Priscilla Dunstan has found a way of cracking the crying code! Priscilla studied baby speech in babies around the world and developed a communication technique called Dunstan Baby Language. 

Dunstan baby language denotes that all babies make one of five particular sounds just before they cry. By learning to tune your ear to these sounds, you can understand a bit more about what your child is trying to say, before the crying really escalates, as well as a range of physical movements that couple these cries. 

The Five Dunstan Baby Language Sounds

  • Neh = “I’m hungry!
  • Eh = “Burp me!”
  • Eairh or earggghh = Gassy or need to poop
  • Heh = physically uncomfortable (hot, cold or wet)
  • Owh or oah= “I’m sleepy.”

Having a baby is a wonderful time, but also brings it' own challenges. Your baby's cries can feel overwhelming and stressful, so self care in motherhood is really important. Learning your baby's crying cues can really help you to feel more in control. Always trust your instincts and seek help when you feel something isn't right. It's always better to get reassurance when you need it.

Lizzie O'Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac
Author, Counsellor

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