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4 Common Destroyers of a Child's Self-esteem

4 Destroyers of a Child's Self-esteem 

What's so important about a child's self-esteem?

a child's self-esteem, parenting tips, parenting guides, calm parenting
As a parent you try your best to bring out the best in your child - that's one of your jobs. You most likely look out for the obvious things that could hurt your child.However, it's often the less obvious things that hurt a child's self-esteem.

Your child's self-esteem is crucial to be able to cope with life. It encompasses how confident your child will feel, how resilient and how happy your child will be. Before your child begins school, your child's self-esteem is highly influenced by what you are a parent say and do and how you act. 

Further, not only is your child's self-esteem impacted by your parenting skills, but also by your own self-esteem. So if you feel that your self-esteem is low, it's really important to start looking into how you can boost your self-esteem and be the best role model of self-esteem for your child too.

There are 4 major parenting behaviours that can significantly impact a child's self-esteem.

child's self-esteem

1. Yelling at Your Child

Yelling only frightens children and often dilutes your message. Sometimes frustration will get the better of you, but if you feel yourself yelling, stop, walk away, take a breath and then apologise for the yelling. You can try to get your message across again calmly in that moment, or say you'll talk about it later when everyone calms down.

2. Being Overprotective

Your job is to keep your child safe, but it's also important to guide children in the art of self-confidence. Allowing them to make mistakes and learn from mistakes is a great way to build resilience. You don't have to engage in risky or unsafe behaviours. You can slowly provide more responsibility in a manner that builds confidence in a safe and healthy way.

3. Inconsistent Parenting

It's important to create clear and consistent rules and boundaries at home and not to enforce them based on your moods. It's easy to let things slide, or give in to pressure when you're in a good mood. However, if you do the opposite when you're not feeling great, you teach your children not to trust their judgement and they become insecure and fearful not knowing what the rules are on any given day - particularly if they get into trouble depending on your moods.

4. Excessive Criticism

Constructive criticism, when it's warranted, is healthy for a child to learn and grow. However, excessive criticism is very detrimental to a child's self-esteem and can just become a habit for parents. If you find yourself criticising excessively, try a different approach. Maybe ask more questions about why your child might be engaging in particular behaviours or ask yourself whether your criticism was really warranted in that moment.

Be Mindful of Your Parenting to Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem

When you become more mindful of how you parent, you engage in more calm parenting skills, which lead to much better outcomes for your child. It's easy to slip into bad parenting habits. However, with a little bit of effort you will not only improve your child's self-esteem - you will foster a closer and happier relationship between you and your child.


Lizzie O'Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac
Author, Counsellor

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